I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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