Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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