I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
