I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
