sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize