Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
