You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
