You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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