I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
