hell yes lets make some ravioli
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
