Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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