Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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