Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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