There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
