it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
