i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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