This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
