no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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