Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
