You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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