oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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