I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're a waste of cheezeits
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
