u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
