xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
