Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
