I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
