I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
