I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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