he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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