I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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