Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
