There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
