When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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