I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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