We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
