Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
