Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
