when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
