omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
