So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
