So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
