Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
