Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who died my cat blue again?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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