Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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