my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
