I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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