are you still at the devil's house?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
