It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
