I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I looked at my own cervix.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
