I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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