i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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