well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
