Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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