eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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