I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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