my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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