his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
