Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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