Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
