That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
