what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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