So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
