Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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