What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
