I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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