I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You took a bar mat shot.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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