hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
