So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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