Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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