So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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