good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
