I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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