She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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