Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
