k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
