Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize