Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
