I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
